Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Possum is Dead and Other Summer Stories

It's dead.  Glorious nature died in my backyard.  When a possum is dead you can't just assume it's dead (even if there are flies buzzing around it) because a possum plays dead to make it's predators think it's dead. A bit unfortunate for me since that means leaving the relative comfort of my air conditioned living room...hello who turned the humidity up to FLORIDA?  Anyway I'm getting off track...the possum, had to go out and poke it with a stick.  It's dead.  No doubt about it.

What to do, what to do?  Tossing it over the fence is an option but I have this sick feeling it will somehow come back and be really dead and even more unhappy.  To bury it is not an option; to many rocks, to hot, to lazy, and Lola will certainly dig it up in a day or so and walk around with it in her mouth....insert vomiting noises here...... Must ponder this situation more (this is code for pawn it off on someone else).  My child wants to be a veterinarian and this could be good practice since animals do die plus I can pay her $5.00.

So far summer has been rather odd.  Two boob deflation's one vacation.  Yes two deflation's one vacation equals very very wrong.  Breast biopsies are a total blast.  Not really but you get candy after.  That's not true either you get nothing except a boob that has two puncture holes and one incision on it.  At some point it's going to start getting smaller if they don't stop.  I have Pseudo Angiomatous Stromal Hyperplasia  or PASH Disease!  WOOO!  It's rare...another woo from my audience. Not looking so rare coming from my end.  My right breast is famous all over the seacoast and beyond.  Well it always was but now we have countless mammograms and sonograms and probably a full page spread in the Fosters to boot!  I won't explain the disease here you'll have to Google it, but hopefully my final diagnosis will not change and this nonsense can just go away without further treatment. It has cut into my bra size and beach time.  Two things that very much concern me.

Ahh speaking of beach time; am I the only person who thinks tourist should be banned?  I swear before summer I'm going to slap someone!  When I travel I always make it a point of being nice to people - since I'm a visitor.  More people that visit the fine state of Maine need to remember that.

And you Mister McLost blocking traffic at the lights on Rte 1 and 9B yesterday; it is NOT cool to sit at a green light with your map and the GPS in your hand!  Buddy, pull over before I start going all Ninja Pinata on your car!  Green light means GO!

I mean I'm 50 and senile and I know that!

look boobs and a pinata....the interwebs is an interesting place!

UPDATE*** - My friends want me to "fling" it, deep fry it, and toss it in the trash.  One person thinks we live on a toxic waste dump since I listed the dead animals I've tossed in the trash.Probably should have added over a 5 year period....oh well.   Stay tuned for more updates.

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