Monday, February 11, 2013

From the Mailbag

Today I thought I'd open up the mailbag and answer some of the questions I've received.  Yeah I have fans. Shocking isn't it?

The first question is from Francis D. from Cyberville USA;

Dear Kelly B, 
Why do you think the Pope is resigning?  It's the first time in over 600 years a Pope has resigned.  Seems odd to me.

Dear Francis D,
The Pope is going to be on the next season of Dancing With the Stars. It's no coincidence they are announcing the next season's "stars" a few days before his resignation takes effect.

The next question is from Glen A. from Tampa FL;

Dear Kelly B,
What makes you think you're all that and a bag of chips?  Seriously, you're not very interesting and most of the things you say are sarcastic. My dog could write better blog posts than you.

Dear Glen A. (which must stand for Asshat), 
I prefer to think I'm all that and a box of chocolates.  I'm sorry you don't find me interesting.  Your dog licks his gonads so I doubt he can write. 

The next questions is from Jose P. from San Antonio, TX;

Dear Kelly B,
What kind of pharmaceuticals do you take?  I'm just wondering because I think you might what to adjust the dosage.

Dear Jose P.
Why do you need to know?  You got any better stuff to sell me?  You work for the DEA?  You a Narc? This is frankly none of your business but if you have suggestions on what I should be taking please email them to me privately. 

The final question today is from Nancy L. from USA;

Dear KB, 
What are you thoughts on Justin Bieber?  I'm worried because my daughter really likes him and it's Bieber morning, noon, and night.

Dear Nancy L, 
What?  Are you serious? The world is going to hell in a hand-basket and you want my thoughts on the Bieb? Well OK then... I truly believe the Bieb is a 12 year old girl.  I really think she needs to show her birth certificate to prove her age & sex before Trump goes all "birther" on her.  She also needs to pull up her pants Sweet Jesus the waistband doesn't go around your thighs!  Who taught this person to dress, Kayne "leather skirt" West? Dogs howl when she sings. Everything is always "Oh baby, baby, baby" and pouty look pant holding, winky-eyed glances.  Pre-teen girls need to move on and find someone else to squeal over.  Even the little boys in One Direction appear to be boys.  Your daughter needs to be turned onto good music.  Maybe start her with some 60"s girl groups and work up to some Motown.  Don't let her waste her precious youth on really bad music. Don't let her slide into listening to Taylor Swift either.  That girl is never ever ever going to stop dating everyone with a pulse.

Enjoy your day and thanks for all of you who wrote letters and emails or who sent comments.  You can stop sending death threats, pleas for money, pleas for me to shut up, and requests for me to use more cowbell.

Have a fun and snow filled day peeps!

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