Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Look Away...Just Walking My Cabbage.

Have you heard about the new trend? Teens walking their "cabbage". Cabbage as in cabbage, the stuff you make cole slaw with...corned beef and...that cabbage.

Apparently it's a way to show their feeling of isolation and to start conversation. Jesus, I can tell you why you're lonely or feeling isolated; YOU'RE WALKING A DARN CABBAGE!!! Hello, fruit and veggies belong in your BELLY not on a leash being dragged down the street. What. The. Hell. Makes you ashamed you said "No" to drugs doesn't it?

How did we get to a time where people are lonely and isolated and they thing putting a leash on a head of cabbage and dragging it around will make them less lonely and isolated? Would you be less lonely if a green cabbage bumped into your purple cabbage and someone out walking a carrot and a jar of slaw dressing all got together and had a ménage à trois I mean you'd get a side dish out of it right? Here's an idea. Put down your electronic device. Look to the left and say hello. If there is no one there look to the right and try again. You may have to ..." Gasp "... walk around and find someone to say hello to. It will be hard buddy but you can do it.

So if I'm moody should I lasso my strawberry and take it for a jog and maybe hope we run into some whipped creme to make me feel all better? Or if I'm depressed would walking my waffle make me happier? What if my waffle hates taking walks? What if my waffle is really depressed and wants to drown in maple syrup? Do I save my waffle and take it to therapy? Would electro shock therapy toast my waffle so badly that it would become just plain...toast? 

Maybe just maybe if we started talking to other humans again we wouldn't feel so lonely and isolated. Memories are built on moments you spend with others. You won't fondly remember the day you read this blog post on your iPhone so if you want to truly reach out and touch someone walking your cabbage won't do the trick. You have to make the effort to be in touch, stay in touch, and be accessible to others. Walking your cabbage or staring at a screen won't do that.

Though it really doesn't explain why my parents tied a lamb chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me...never mind about that. My parents did the best they could with what they were working with. 

You want me to play with who??? What???

So take a chance (when you're finished reading this) and talk to someone. Even if you have to tie touferky around your neck to get your cabbage's attention.

See you up the final road trip journal and the Ode to the Man in Boy Pants.

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